The last two weeks have been a roller coaster, mainly of emotions. Since that first date, I haven’t been myself around Danny, which is not normal. I feel like I have to hold my breath, hold myself together whenever I’m around him. Whenever he touches me, I tense up; which follows with him asking what’s wrong and I had to lie saying I have a bruise or some soreness in random parts of my body. I feel bad because I like this, this is new to me. The kisses on the forehead, the hugs that makes me melt, those gazes that makes me feel like I am special. But those other feelings, I don’t know what to do with it. I like Danny, I really really really like him, more than I have in our entire lives.

I was able to talk to Evelyn about this after church since if I tried to talk to her husband about it, he would grumble or cuss me out in Polish or tell me to focus on the job and not the boy. And besides, her words of affirmations are beautiful, especially if it has a beautiful meaning behind a Swedish word or phrase. Like Efter regn kommer solsken, meaning “after rain comes sunshine.” I told her everything of what I’m feeling and she told me to be myself, he already knows me from the inside out for many years and have probably love me for who I am no matter what. and gave me this phrase: Att älska är ingenting. Att vara älskad är något. Men att älska och att vara älskad är allt; meaning ” To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved is everything.” And of course she prayed over me because she knew I needed it.

Today is Thanksgiving. Normally, I’d be bundled up in the cabin, away for the cold, midwestern winter, having some turkey and mom’s homemade stuffing and gravy. Along with the food, we’d watch the thanksgiving parade, which began in 1924, and the football game, which started in 1934. But this year, Evelyn invited Danny and I over at their house for Thanksgiving, it’s more of a friends thanksgiving than anything. Since the Chlebecks are first generation Americans, they suggested us to do a potluck of a sort. Johnny made Bigos stew, Pierogi (Polish dumplings) from his auntie’s recipe. Evelyn made Gravlax and Meatballs (almost like Swedish meatballs) her mom’s recipe. Danny made his Nonna’s special Ragu alla Bolognese. I made Irish apple pie, something my dad has made on special occasions and said it’s something his grandmother made years ago. So overall it is a spread of cultural eats from Poland, Ireland, Italy and Sweden. The football game was not on but we did get to see the parade earlier in the day. During supper, it was the first time in a while where I felt at ease with Danny being around since Evelyn’s talk earlier this week.

November 30, 1941 nearby beach noon

Today we decided to go to the beach. Danny has been taking me on alot of great dates the last couple weeks. We went hiking to a nearby waterfall, hiked Diamond head, attended a luau, and went barhopping last weekend. On Thursday, I invited him to church since he mentioned that he missed going to church and military church services are not as authentic. and we made a good deal: if he comes to my church service, then he picks the beach and I’m going swimming with him…oh boy.

So after church, we went down to the beach, get undressed (we have swimming trunks underneath our Sunday best!) and ran to the beach. Well… he did until he saw me still in the sand. “Take my hand il mia cuore oceanico,” he calmly said as he held his hand out. I took it and bit by bit we went into the water. When the waves crashed into my legs, I somewhat panicked but Danny told me it’s ok and to keep holding onto his hand. The water was surprisingly warm, not as cold as I thought. We went in deeper and deeper until the water reaches my midriff. There I screamed and Danny reassured me that it’s ok. I did it, I thought to myself. I faced my fear, I’m fearless again!

Danny could tell that I have relaxed a bit, so he let go of my hand and started going out a bit farther. I smiled at him going in deeper like a little kid with water. Then at the corner of my eye, I saw something looming in the horizon and my smile dropped. I saw a dorsal fin come out of the water, it’s coming straight at me at a fast speed. I remember the story of the Jersey Shore shark attacks in 1916 that killed 4 individuals, and I knew I had to let Danny know. DANNY! SHARK!! As it got closer, I shielded myself and closed my eyes so I am prepared to be dinner. But then…I heard…whistles, squeaks, clicks…that’s…not a…shark? I looked down and it’s definitely not a shark. In the corner, Danny was laughing so hard. “Ellie, it’s dolphin you dummy!” I looked down to see the dolphin swimming around, smiling and making noises. How is this a wild animal if it’s so friendly around me, I thought. I didn’t know if I could pet it or not. but then, the dolphin tilts it’s head to the side a few times.

“Danny, I don’t know it’s telling me,” I asked in a confused manner.

“Grab the dorsal fin, it wants you to ride it,” Danny instructed.

So I did and it took off! Speeding like a torpedo underwater with waves crashing into my face to a point where I can’t see. Then Danny’s arm scooped me out of the water and held me close. I don’t know why he held me close, I’m not in any danger but I melted in his arms.

After a moment, we kind of pulled away. He saw that my eyes are shut and water is in my face. So he wiped the water out of my eyes with his thumb and brushed off some of the water out of my face. When I opened my eyes, he’s really close. We looked at each other, my heart starts beating fast, his hand cupped my face gently, and he slowly moved his face forward. Is he going kiss me, I thought. Right when his nose touched my nose…

WHOOOSH!

A wave just splashed me! Once I pulled the wet hair out of my face, I looked over to see Danny just as wet. And I knew exactly what to do.

“You did this!”

“No I did not! That was just the wave”

“Oh yeah,” I sneered. “Take that!” and I splashed him.

Then we started splashing at each other until another wave came over us. When the wave settled, Danny sneaked up behind me, picked me up, ran us into the ocean until he fell down.

We played in the water for what felt like hours. By sunset, we decided to head out. Before we do, Danny noticed that I brought my camera, which is a Kodak portable camera. He said we should capture this day so that we can see the photos and remember it years from now. I agree because photographs can hold memories better than the human mind. There’s one photograph I really liked, even though there’s a bit of overexposure. He’s on the rock, smiling, and the wind is blowing on his wavy dark hair. And that’s the Danny I remember: shy but always knowing when to have fun, especially when there’s sun and waves.

After I took that, he found a plumeria, the same flower he always put it in my hair every date we went on. When he takes one, he puts it in my hair and says “there lo’u pua”. Then he would tuck my hair back, cup his hand into my face, smile and kiss me on the forehead, giving me butterflies. As I’m finishing this entry, he told me to cheer, in which I did, I don’t know if I looked like an idiot or what but Danny said he’d keep this one.

Today has been a good day, it would’ve been better if it weren’t for that wave interrupting that potential first kiss. But there’s always time for that moment. Also, I think I am falling in love with my best friend…